I picked out:  The Comet

The Comet is a glass insertable with a gloriously nubby end, and the perfect length for solo or partnered anal or vaginal play (in other words, you have room to hold onto it, even if you’re at an odd angle, and still get enough of the business end into the orifice du jour to get a hell of a lot of fun out of it).

It’s also just flippin’ gorgeous – pretty enough, in fact, to leave out on your bedside table or put in your china cabinet with grandma’s gravy boats and your carnival glass collection (or is it just me that has one of those?).

There are still some folks out there that think glass toys are unsafe.  Most glass toys, and specifically the Comet, are made from borosilicate glass (the same as Pyrex labwear is made of), and because of it’s properties it’s extremely durable, lighter weight than other types of glass, and very resistant to temperature change-induced breakage.  Glass is also a really ideal sex toy material – it’s non-allergenic (I mean, how many people do you know that are allergic to glass??), very easy to clean, lightweight, and gives you added “push” for the amount of pressure you put into it.  The Comet even comes with it’s own sturdy black fabric pouch for you to keep it in so that it doesn’t come into contact with things that will try to scratch it’s perfect surface.

Caring for glass toys is a cinch – just wash it!  If you’re using it solo, then a good anti-bacterial soap or toy cleaner will work great; if you’re using it with others, then you can wash it in a bleach solution, toy cleaner, or even just wash it in the dishwasher with your silicone toys to get it exceptionally clean.  Normally I prefer using toys with a condom for ease of cleaning; however, I’m going to beg to differ with myself on this one and say that the glass really does need to be in contact with your flesh for the true joys of it to … er, sink in.

Glass toys (and their shiny cousins, metal toys) are really amazing creations.  Leave them out in room temperature (or put them in a glass of cold water for even more of a zing) and use them on your moist, heated parts for a chill thrill that is unbelievably fun!  Honestly, these things are amazing.  They slide in and out and around with barely any lube needed, as they aren’t porous and don’t create friction like most other insertables.  For those of you that love drenching yourself with g-spot play, glass toys are perfect as they can put a lot of variable pressure right on the exact best place.  If you like it nice and deep in any orifice, these will do the trick!  Ass play with the Comet is an amazing thing, too – once warmed up, the nubs are an amazing sensation slipping in and out past the anus, teasing it to open up and enjoy the sensations without overwhelming it with too much girth.  If your partner is lucky enough to have a prostate that enjoys direct stimulation, the cool, firm glass will deliver a hell of a punch that will have them crawling the walls.  And don’t forget the versatility of the Comet – if you’re like me, and sometimes you just don’t feel like a nub, you can flip it over and use the smooth end to explore your body!

In the end, the Comet is one of the most versatile toys on the market, and it’s great for those of us who like to use something that has a wide variety of things it’s good at – and at this price, it’s a great buy for your post – holiday gift money!

Sliquid Organics Natural Lube

Sliquid Organics came out a few years ago, but still (in my experience) doesn’t get the shelf space it should.  Not only does it offer a glycerin, paraben, l-arginine, and petrochemical free composition, it also uses certified organic botanical products (including aloe, flax, hibiscus, and green tea extracts) in a water based formula, giving it a less negative impact on our bodies.  For those of us who try to do healthier things not only for our bodies, but also for the planet, it’s good to know that the packaging is fully recyclable, and they use a high post-consumer content for lables and even for their sample packets!

All that info is great – but how does it feel?  Here’s my run down – I like this lube, a lot.  It’s consistency is a bit thicker than your standard “wet” lubes, but it’s nowhere near as thick as the more gel lubes like Astroglide.  I use Liquid Silk for a lot of my vaginal fisting dates, and Sliquid Organics will hold up well for that kind of abuse; I’m not sure I’d use it for anal fisting, simply because I like thicker lubes for butts, but for anal toy insertion (and especially for external play & adding to the body-side of a barrier for analingus) this is fantastic!  It nicely bridges the gap for me; it’s got a consistency that works great for me for solo sex as well as partnered intercourse, it is a great toy lube that’s silicone safe, and it’s fantastic for hand work, too.

A secret that a lot of companies don’t think to tell you is that many lubes refresh nicely with water, and this is one of them.  Keeping a mist-spray bottle of water nearby and giving your bits a gentle spray with the water reinvigorates the Sliquid nicely, so you don’t need to use as much of it in order to stay wet & ready!  This is also a great tip if you’re using Sliquid Organics for hand jobs; friction plus exposure to air creates sticky for most lubes, and that little addition of water makes for a much more pleasurable time!

I personally feel good about recommending this lube.  Like any lube, it’s not for everyone – I’d be hard pressed to recommend it to someone who does heavier anal play, or someone who likes very thin lubricants (if Wet is your favorite, this won’t be); likewise, if you’re considering this lube and you have problems with chemical sensitivities, I’d strongly suggest checking the complete ingredients list for known allergens, and consider looking for a sample packet first.  However, from my personal opinions, it’s a fantastic lube, with ingredients I feel good about using in and on my and my partners bodies, and I am even happier knowing that the ingredients list, the testing, and the packaging are designed to be good for the planet, too.  You can get Sliquid Organics at most major online retailers, and it should be available at your local sex-positive shop, as well.

Thanks to Eden Fantasys for giving me a chance to test this out – you can check out the listing on their website for a full ingredients list along with ratings and pricing!

First thing you should know about me – I’m not what I would consider to be a “vibrator consumer”.  I own one – a pink Hello Kitty vibe that my partner got me years ago because I like Hello Kitty.  I like it because it’s cute and it startles people when I pull it out of my bedside table drawer to use it on them.  I technically own a Hitachi Magic Wand but…sadly, I’ve never been a fan of it.  It doesn’t make me go “oooh” and “aaah”…it makes me go numb, every time and every way I try to use it.  So, it’s relegated to the basket of “things I use on my partners”.  My experience with vibrators is that they make me orgasm sharply, fast, and insufficiently – and who wants that?

Second thing you should know about me – I’ve never used a g-spot vibe.  Never.  I love g-spot play – I have a glass toy that hits it perfectly – but never ever have I tried a vibe on it.

So it was a natural for me to pick out something that wasn’t a standard type of vibrator – no hard plastic parts, no “two settings – fast and faster”, and something that I thought might be fun for g-spot play.

They sent me the Gigi.  Let me tell you – she’s gorgeous.  Lovely purply-pink silicone covered end, with a pretty silver & white handle, and very aesthetic sensibilites.  The texture of the silicone is lush; rather than being satiny smooth, it feels very silky to the touch and has just the tiniest hint of friction.  The control button took some getting used to – it has five different patterns of vibration (constant, slow pulse, medium pulse, fast pulse, and waves) and multiple speed settings within each pattern, so figuring out how to get from one to the next took a few minutes to figure out.  I really, really love that she’s rechargeable – and the little light around the control button tells me when she’s rarin’ to go!

Gigi

I’ve been feeling ill for a couple of weeks, so I hadn’t had a chance to test her out (though I did learn to use her controls so that I’d be ready for her!).  Finally, on a recent trip to NYC, I got an evening of fun in with a partner who was quite happy to help me test her…so I can finally tell you all – I love Gigi!

I did a lot of experimentation with her – keep in mind what I said about not being a vibrator consumer?  I wanted to make sure I put her through her paces and really got a feel for what she could do.  Initially I was a bit uncomfortable with inserting her, but once I figured out how she’d fit best with my internal landscape I found that a gentle rocking motion against my g-spot felt amazing!  I learned pretty quickly what my favorite vibration pattern was, and cranked her up into high gear.  A little bit stronger of a vibration would have been great, but as it is, she did a fantastic job.  I also tried her out externally – the head felt amazing flat against my vagina, vibrating against my inner labia and bringing the inside curve up against the underside of my clit (it worked fabulously against my jewelry there, which is something that I’d never really had a toy do a great job of).  Who knew a g-spot vibe would fit me perfectly outside as well as inside?  My new dream is for a vibrator that has two pieces shaped just like Gigi that I can use inside and outside at the same time.

My only complaint about her was during the cleaning; the small seam between the silicone top and the silver band was difficult to fully clean.  I found that using a higher pressure water faucet did the trick, but I definitely wouldn’t suggest letting this toy wait to be cleaned.

In short, Gigi is not a good “my first vibrator” – but for anyone that’s looking for a toy with a body-friendly design & composition, an amazing range of sensations, a beautiful appearance, and an eco-friendly rechargable power system, Gigi is a great option.  Think holiday or birthday present for this one – Gigi, a few flowers, and a coupon for an evening all to yourselves (or yourself!) with no interruptions to enjoy it.  I guarantee you, it’ll be a gift that keeps on giving!

I want to talk to my paramour, and invite him over for some quality adult time.  I want to greet him in the bedroom naked, sitting on my bed that’s been stripped of the comfy blankets and pillows that make it my refuge.  I want to look up at him, and hand him the grey vintage rubber gas mask and some delicious rope, and let him read in my face what I need from him.

That mask stinks, by the way – it smells like old rubber, and sweat, and my own fear – but that’s perfect for what I need.  I need it to wrap around my head and constrict it to press the worries about my failings down into the part of my brain that will filter it away for a while.  I need to be in a place, mentally, where my focus is on getting full breaths in – not on whether or not I remembered to put the recycling out, or whether I replied to that email earlier.  I need to have my vision restricted to just what I can make out through smudged lenses.  Once it’s on, I become less of a thinking creature, and more of a reactive animal.

The rope directs my focus as well, changing me into an ikebana arrangement for anothers’ pleasure – visual or visceral.  Hands behind me, wrists bound, ropes crossing my arms and thighs and hips, perhaps with my ankles pulled up to join my wrists.  I feel the tug of my muscles and ligaments stretched by the rope, the slight burr of the hemp against my wrists, the chafing of it against my skin as I try to maneuver myself into a position that I can hold.

I want him to enjoy me.  Fuck whatever hole happens to capture his attention, in that moment.  Control my breath so my body jerks and spasms in it’s fear of that moment of suffocation, that moment where my trust in him is outvoted by the panic of my own monkey brain.  Bite into my neck until I doubt whether I’m bleeding into his open mouth.  I want him to roll me, pull me, turn me into whatever position he finds most pleasing.

And during all of that, I’m not Sarah.  I’m barely conscious of my humanity.  I am conscious of my breath – it’s presence, it’s quality, it’s speed, it’s cleanness.  I am conscious of my body in a way that I rarely am otherwise – it becomes a machine, a bendable object, a thing that gives me sensation but that most of all gives him sensation.  I am conscious, hyperactively so, of the places his body touches me, of his cock ramming into my hole, the bits of his scent that I can make out in the filtered, rubber-scented air from the air hose.  I am aware in a wholly vital way of the energy that is running through his body, building in his hips, swelling his cock, driving him harder, until I feel the energy release into me as his orgasm bends him forwards over my body and our whole lives stop for that moment of release.

And…I know when all this is over, when the ropes are unwound and the mask comes off, and I spoon him as we go to sleep, that in the morning I’ll be ready to come back and be Sarah again; I’ll be ready to give myself out to the world again because, somehow in all that anonymity the night before, I found myself whole yet once more.

(Originally published on BestSexBloggers.com on Sept. 28, 2008)

Erotica comes from people with names like Anne Roquelare, Rachel Kramer Bussel, and Lisbet Sarai.  Porn comes from people with names like Seymore Butts, Sledge Hammer, and Alexis Texas.

Erotica uses words like “mons”, “cleavage”, and “penis”.  Porn uses words like “man meat”, “jizz”, and “cum dumpster”.

Erotica has themes like sex with a stranger, surprise threeways, and sex in the woods.  Porn has themes like MILFs, Amateurs, and biracial orgies.

Erotica is generally sold with a very softcore image of a scantily or provocatively clad woman.  Porn is generally sold with a very hardcore image of a woman whose genitals are as air conditioned as a summer house in Georgia.

Erotica often has twenty minutes of erotic tension before the first sex scene.  Porn often has twenty minutes of advertisements before the first sex scene.

Erotica has titles like “Her Surrender”, “On The Balcony”, and “A Date with Destiny”.  Porn has titles like “Young, Dumb, and Full of Cum”, “British Older Amateur Housewives #1″, and “Little Red Rides The Hood”.

When you’re reading erotica, you feel “aroused”, “titillated”, and “swollen”.  When you read porn, you’re just plain ol’ horny.

One does not “masturbate” to porn – one jerks off, or double clicks the mouse, or shoots a wad.  One, also, doesn’t “milk the weasel” to erotica – one performs self loving, or strokes oneself, or in a fit of arousal one might even “ejaculate”.

One’s mother might not turn as bright a shade of red if she happens upon your copy of “Macho Sluts” as if she were to happen upon your copy of “Debbie Does Dildos”.

Erotica is not sold behind the counter in your shady neighborhood convenience store.  Porn is not sold in Borders.

Finally, erotica writers get reviewed using comments like “his grasp of the feminine sensibilities of this character makes his story a tour de force of passion and lust”.  Porn writers get reviewed using comments like “I give this story three cum shots!”.

Me, I don’t care so much whether what I write is called erotica, or porn, as long as it gets me more sex.

(Originally published on BestSexBloggers.com on Sept. 24, 2008)

Last weekend at Sex Camp, I heard someone say that I’m sexy because of how I carry myself and my attitude.  And…it finally clicked.  Sexy is not about how my body features look…it’s about the “who” that I am and how it expresses itself to the world.  When I look at my body, I occasionally get a hint of sexiness, but mostly I see me as just…me.  The me that is sitting here, right now, in my “I mate, then destroy” teeshirt and my “I dig chicks” pajama pants, with my hair messily tied up to keep it from getting in my eyes.  The me that has scars on my body from a not-so-easy life, the signs of aging starting to be more visible, the little non-airbrushed marks and bumps and cellulite.

I don’t see myself the way that others see me, but I’m starting to understand what they might get from watching me.  My eyes flash.  My laugh is loud and deep and unrestrained.  My neck arches when I look up or over at something that I’m interested in, baring itself to a gaze, a mouth, a hand, a rope.  My hips move of their own accord when I’m being touched in the right ways.  When I’m feeling extra sexy, my ass sways as I walk, and somehow I know how to attract attention.  I nibble my bottom lip when I’m flirting and nervous, and I reach out and touch people on their arms or thighs as a matter of course.  All totalled – that speaks sexy.

I asked some of the folks on my personal journal what they thought was sexy, and here are some of their responses:

Citi Kittie says “One of the reasons I love (sex) camp is because there are so many people there who are in touch with who they are and what they are all about and give off this amazing energy. Some of them are not sexy in by the standards of the dominant culture, but they give off this energy and just being near them or chatting with them I can feel it and see how sexy they are.”  Q agrees with the concept of energy being sexy, and adds, “Also, I find smart hot. I love hearing people talk about their particular geek. Listening to someone speak intelligently about something they have a passion for is just sexy!”

I. noted that “Sexy to me is the way a person looks at me. The confidence you can read in their body language and a sense of humor.”  Nidea concurs on the confidence, writing “…knowing what they want, who they are, and not afraid to be open with me about those things.”  Additionally, confidence will get you more than you can imagine; as L. said, “Confidence (not arrogance) is a big one. Someone came onto me at camp that i wouldn’t have considered. He just took the plunge and was direct about what he wanted. He got his way…”.

Zev picked a very specific thing that he finds sexy – crows feet.  When I asked him why, he replied “they stand out when they smile.  And I think I like that it makes them look like they’ve lived.  Crows feet are like toe creases on the insteps of boots” (It’s helpful to note that Zev and I share a passion for boots and their wearers).

Citi Kittie also reminds me “…we’ve all met people who are sexy by the dominant culture’s definition and then you start talking to them and they give off this awful energy and you realize they aren’t sexy at all”.  Amen, darling.  Who has time for pretty but crazy or – even worse – boring types?

Think you’re not sexy?  Be yourself.  Be confident in yourself!  Know you’re attractive – not because of your body, but because of who you are and how you work it.  Give yourself permission to extend yourself – to flirt, to make a fool out of yourself (folks rarely notice, I promise), to ask for what you want, to make eye contact across a crowded room.  Shoulders high, chest out.  And it’s totally okay to “fake it ’til you make it” – to act sexy, even though you don’t feel it, until you DO feel it.  The world has a lot of sexy people who don’t know they’re sexy.  That’s one serious problem with exploiting our natural resources!

(originally published on BestSexBloggers.com on September 18, 2008)

“Inari roll….Quail egg over flying fish roe…Dragon roll with sweet potato tempura…”

“Yes! Fuck me hard, baby!”

…you get the picture.

But generally, talking dirty should be about the sex – or rather, the promise of sex. Tease it – make it sweet, make your partner hard or wet (or both!), make their blood surge out of their brains and into their demilitarized zones, and most of all, turn yourself on at the same time.

The first trick of talking dirty is to know your audience. Dominant-types won’t often get off on hearing “I want to see you tied down, with your legs wide open and your cunt begging for my hand”…but sometimes they do (and sometimes they literally flip for it!). Likewise, waiting for someone who is a to-the-core bottom to be the dominant force of a phone sex session is likely to leave you…waiting. A long time. Also? Know the non-starter words. For instance…if you are talking dirty to me and call me “princess”, you’ll get the verbal equivalent of a knee to the solar plexus. I have friends who feel the same way about “slut”, however I can’t relate to disliking that word at all…

Ahem.

The second trick is to actually get started. I’ve had issues in the past with being hesitant to get the ball rolling (which is bad enough when you’re doing phone sex, but when you’re the coordinator of a gang bang starring yourself it’s just devastating – trust me, and don’t ask me how I know this). Initially, it might feel a bit clumsy. There’s just not a good, clean seque between “So, you like the Red Sox?” and “I want to slip my tongue between your ass cheeks and lick your hole til your cock is dripping precum” – though if you find one…would you let me know? This comes up more often than you’d think! You can always take the easy way out – ask them about a minor fantasy, ask them what gets them turned on, ask them what special trick they love to have a lover do to them. Or tell them yours. Tell them that the minute you saw them naked and begging to be beaten harder at that play party last weekend, you wanted them. Tell them that their ass has the most delicious curves to it and how much you’d love to trace them with your hands.

Once you get started – don’t stop. Yes, you’ll say things inevitably that you don’t mean, especially if you’re tired…so be prepared to ignore a few hesitations, and misspoken words. This is also not the time to get grammatically correct – who cares if you say “you and I are gonna fuck in the parking lot tomorrow”, or “you and me are gonna fuck in the parking lot tomorrow”? A suspension of belief is also rather important when it comes to talking dirty, and frankly, can make it even hotter. No, I’m not going to let the guy I just met a few weeks ago fuck me without a condom, but as long as he and I are both aware of that boundary, what’s the harm in saying “I want to feel you shoot your cum all over my naked pussy”? It certainly makes the visual hotter for both of us.

Finally, be vocal. If you have the ability, don’t breathe out your orgasms like you’re furtively jerking off in your girlfriend’s living room in high school while her parents are downstairs. When you like what your partner is saying or doing, tell them. When you want them to do something else, tell them. When you want to add in some begging, pleading, or demanding, do it. There is nothing sexier in the world that fucking a partner and having them saying how good it is, or encouraging you to do more. “Harder, sir, fuck me harder”. “Suck it, baby, yeah..”. Who cares if you sound like a porn star? Frankly, the more sense you make, the less you’re enjoying yourself. I don’t want to have sex if I’m still going to be coherent enough to remember the “Friends, Romans, Countrymen” speech I memorized in eighth grade. So gibber yourself into oblivion – and when your partner starts running all their words together and all you can hear is “yesyesyesmmmmmmmumblemumblecumhard”, you know you’re a success!

(originally published on BestSexBloggers.com on Aug. 27, 2008)